Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
