hotel room ftw
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
