Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
