Christians are straight up FREAKS
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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