the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
