it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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