A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize