You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
