let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
