dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
