shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
