I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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