We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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