Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
