there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
