He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
