we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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