I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
