..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I understand Curling. That high.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
