It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
