Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
