I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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