R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Floor bacon is actually really good
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
