My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
