I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
too bad you live with your parents still
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
