I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
