Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
