I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
