He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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