I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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