My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
