Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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