Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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