Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I think about you every night.

(1-281): View more from Texas

I'm sorry.

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(301): View more from Maryland

We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.

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(936): View more from Texas

the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"

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(514): View more from Quebec

She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.

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(248): View more from Michigan

For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans

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(815): View more from Illinois

Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?

(779): View more from Illinois

I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.

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