Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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