I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
