im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dont even know how to be here
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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