So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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