careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
