The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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