His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
