dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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