lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
