Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
