am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
