I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
