She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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