I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
