you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
