When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
