She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
