Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
