The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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