i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
