I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
