Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
