ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
