i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
