# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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