there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
