my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
