im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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