is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize