you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
