oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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