I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
