I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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