i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
