Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
