if i can run in heels then i can drive
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
