I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
