I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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