I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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